Why we need to learn to see differently

It’s the stunning yet simple basis of all anthropological knowledge, really–this truism that we’re not all the same, we’re different.

Take my daughter, for instance.  Whereas most people get up out of bed every morning and walk, she giggles or cries until we come get her.  Whereas most kids her age start to brush their own teeth, put their own backpack on, eat breakfast through their mouth and head to school, we do the brushing, Lucia’s backpack hangs on her wheelchair, and she eats her meals through a feeding tube that’s attached to her stomach (she eats a lot of her food through the same tube overnight, which is actually pretty efficient!).

But even anthropologists who believe in the wisdom of learning from others are only human.  Because we, like everyone, only have one primary perspective, one pair of eyes and ears through which we experience the world, we still tend to succumb to ethnocentrism–the belief that not only are people who aren’t like us weird and different, they’re less than.

Lucia gets that a lot.

People presume that because she rides through life in a wheelchair or because she gets her feeds through a tube and perhaps most especially because her brain is different that all this comparatively limited functionality that she has amounts to a pretty pitiful and dull, if not brutal life.  They ask me if she will ever do certain things like walk or talk or eat, if she will “be like that” forever, and when I tell them she likely won’t walk or talk or eat in typical ways, they frown and shake their head or grimace.

But what if I told you that some of the very things that make you skeptical about her quality of life, like that wheelchair or that feeding tube, are the things that bring her mobility, joy, and comfort?  Lucia eats through a feeding tube because her body can’t process food orally without it heading into her lungs, which caused numerous scary and painful bouts of pneumonia until we got that tube.  Lucia rides in a wheelchair because that enables her to feel the wind in her hair, to head outside and to school, when otherwise she might be in the house all day.

What if I told you that a lot of the limits placed on Lucia don’t come from her differences but from the way we perceive her differences and from the supports and benefits that we deny her especially because she’s different from us?  When I invite my students to view the world anthropologically, through the lens of others, especially people with disabilities, it kind of blows their minds.  The fact that we able-bodied people are part of the problem for people with disabilities never really occurred to them.  It never occurred to them that subtly viewing someone else as less than and placing limits on their lives, compelling them to be someone they’re not, live in a society that’s only made for the able-bodied, and then wonder why they’re not thriving is discrimination, not liberation.  

This ethnocentric way of viewing people with disabilities as less than is called ableism and it’s not just endemic in American society and everyday interactions across differences, it’s front and center in this debate on healthcare.  Maybe you didn’t see it, because your ableism kept you from the truth, but denying life-giving services to people who are different on the basis of their differences–i.e. cutting Medicaid for people for who literally need it to live their daily lives–yeah, that’s discrimination.  Or reserving healthcare only for those whose bodies are “normal,” who don’t have preexisting conditions, or denying hospital services to those who are inevitably going to have to use the hospital because they’re made different and they’re living in a world that’s downright inhospitable to their differences–that’s textbook ableism.

But we all saw Donald Trump begin his campaign by mocking a reporter with disabilities.  We have all seen headlines that compare that same President who mocked someone with disabilities to people with mental illness.  We’ve heard about people with disabilities staging protests in the offices of Senators and being dragged out of their wheelchairs by security on Capitol Hill.

Open your eyes.

It’s not people with disabilities who need to make more concessions to the society that already demeans their existence, down to their very lives and whether they’re worth living–it’s you and me.  We all need to change our way of seeing our fellow human beings, our fellow Americans, as pitiful and less than and deficient.  What is deficient are our healthcare proposals that purport to deny people coverage based on innate differences.  What is deficient is our rhetoric that excludes and codifies people who we don’t want to accept or don’t understand.  What is deficient is a country that seeks to find its greatness at the expense of its very citizens.

Lucia a home wearing a cap during her portable seizure study this past week.  My photo.

Please don’t shake your head or frown or grimace at my daughter’s quality of life.  Instead, please pick up the phone and call your Senator and shake your fist at them for failing to grant the necessary supports that make her different life possible.  Become an unlikely advocate and listen to the concerns of those who are different from you not just because they’re different but because we’re all human.

After all, the root of anthropology is anthropos, human being.  Providing good healthcare comes down to the recognition that we are all human beings but that we’ve constructed an able-bodied world that’s only fit for some.

So don’t cut my daughter’s Medicaid because she’s different.  Affirm the value of her life by keeping it.  Let’s keep the ACA and its supports for all kinds of people.  Let’s keep healthcare that’s working for people like you and me and people like my daughter.

 

Virtual Coffee Date

If we were sitting together this morning having coffee I would tell you that life has lent its typical roller coaster as of late (seizure for Lucia- she’s doing great now, though; running over a deer carcass with my car for me-it still smells; no bus for Lucia’s first day back to summer school on Monday- a friend came to the rescue; nurse pulled out Lucia’s tube on Thursday morning-ugh; and we lost power on Thursday night during the storm-got it back early Friday morning)… and yet, as you see, with God’s help, we’re finding adventure in adversity and somehow holding it together!

Summer has been so full of unexpected joys–luxurious and productive staycation for us in June, thrilling aquatherapy sessions for Lucia covered by insurance and rides to and fro covered by Medicaid–even as it’s packed with challenges, too–I sent my book manuscript off to the editor in early June, have been teaching summer school at Princeton since July, and start a new job at the seminary in the fall.  All this while the healthcare wars rage on Capitol Hill and we worry as Lucia’s care seems to hang in the balance.

If I seem distracted, unable to focus even in the midst of a sentence, it’s because I am.

But I’m trying to trust that (with the exception of maybe the healthcare battle, deer carcass, and tube being pulled out) there’s a real abundance, blessing, and excess in the way my cup is brimming over, inviting me to embrace this season in its chaotic fullness and to testify to what God’s doing with a life and a heart fittingly overflowing with joy.

 

If this isn’t joy, I don’t know what is!? Lucia with her father.  My photo.

So that’s what I’m trying to do (more on how that later), not living a life in response to what others are doing but a life that responds to what God is clearly doing, in a big way in my life, my family’s life, and in this world.

Still, if we were talking this morning, I’d look you in the eye and thank you but urge you to keep making those phone calls on behalf of people who are on Medicaid, who need assurance that health care will be there, not just for the healthy but for the sick, the poor, and the needy.  I’ve put some links below that I’ve found helpful and important in wading through the excess of information out there.  I did a podcast on Medicaid that I hope you’ll share with family and friends who want to understand its benefits and even as I still feel that families with people with disabilities face such an uphill battle in terms of understanding and coverage, I am thankful for all the support and hopeful that concerned citizens are making their voices heard.

I was reading Margaret Mead for one of my seminary courses yesterday: I sat there for like two full hours just reading and devouring–it was incredible, and this quote of hers that has been on my mind for weeks sprung to my attention.  I leave it with you in hopes that you may believe that we can change the world, that God is with us even when we forget it, and that joy is abundant and ample and just as human as fear and defeat!

Some links for you:

• Medicaid Facts that Matter
• A video from the Atlantic about why Medicaid is so critical to helping people with disabilities lead independent lives
• My podcast interview on Medicaid and raising a child with disabilities
• Be encouraged: The Healthcare Resistance is Working!
• And the latest is that they’re planning to vote on one of these bills on Tuesday; let’s be ready with our phone calls to demand better for people with disabilities and others in need!

 

What I don’t take for granted

Tears came to my eyes and my voice cracked as I told my mom over the phone today,

“It was only recently that we found a way to stop worrying that Lucia would die and decided to love her so fiercely and just live life together.  And now we’re afraid everyday that she might lose the benefits that make her life so wonderful.”

You’ve seen me write about it on this blog countless times–the life so grand that we couldn’t have possibly imagined, a life for which we are never sorry but so deeply grateful. Our daughter, Lucia, who was born with a terminal, genetic disease of the brain, is the greatest gift we’ve ever been given.

But we don’t take that gift for granted.

How can we when our private employer insurance granted through one of the most prestigious universities in the world denies all the things she needs from in-home nursing services to wheelchairs to surgeries and nearly everything in between?

We’ve learned the hard way that private insurance companies will never cover Lucia’s needs because they’re deemed too expensive, too rare, too disadvantageous.  So when Lucia was 6 months old, I began filling out paperwork for New Jersey state Medicaid, a process so complicated I could hardly navigate it, even though I have a Ph.D., a Masters, and a Bachelor’s degree.  For 6 months we paid out of pocket for all the things that our employer plan wouldn’t cover and we racked up nearly $10,000 in medical expenses.

But things started to shift when we got the first person from the state’s Early Intervention program into our home; she took one look at Lucia shrieking in pain and me helpless to comfort my child and told me, “You shouldn’t have to do this alone.  We can help.”  And I will never forget those words.  6 months later when Lucia got onto the NJ State Medicaid MLTSS program (Managed Long Term Special Services for kids with outstanding medical needs and disabilities), everything changed.  Suddenly, our secondary insurance through the state stepped in to pick up the tab on the myriad of services our private insurance denied.  Those giant insurance bills and many of our worries about how we could pay and support her future melted away.

We felt that we had found an incredible safety net in the state of New Jersey.  We bought a house here in a school district well-known for going above and beyond for supporting kids with special needs.  And Lucia has been taking the bus to a wonderful special needs school; the social worker in our district has been undyingly supportive of our requests.  The school district is willing to foot the bill for those bus trips, special equipment, and extra support in the classroom.  And Lucia comes home from school everyday babbling (literally babbling) and smiling and laughing because she couldn’t be happier.

Lucia smiling on the porch after a great day at school.  My photo.

But we can’t take that for granted.

A proposal passed by two House committees last week looks to slowly trim over $880 million dollars from Obama’s Medicaid expansion and also cap annual federal payments to state Medicaid programs.  I realize that my daughter is on the traditional Medicaid program and not the expansion under the NJ MLTSS, but here’s what I also know to be true as a parent in state with incredible benefits.  First, those benefits are rare–most states have long waiting lists for such special programming (if they even have it) and so those who benefit may not even be those most in need.  Many of these families are covered, however, under the Medicaid expansion.  Furthermore, only 50% of the funding for the MLTSS program comes from the state of NJ, the other 50% comes from the federal government.  That means cuts would certainly affect NJ’s ability to provide the programs it has in the past.  And finally, in striving to be an advocate for my child, I’m also not taking for granted what’s been given only to us.  ALL children should have the rights to attend free public school that meets their needs, receive services that they need to not only live but thrive, and we are not doing enough in this country for the least of these–and trust me, that’s who’s on Medicaid–kids, people with disabilities, seniors, and people struggling with addiction.

But I’m begging you to not take any of this (and this is really what makes America great) for granted either. Indeed, I am so thankful to live in a country where I can speak out and where my voice can make a difference.  I have spoken to my member of Congress; he’s a Republican, but he’s willing to fight to protect both the NJ MLTSS program and the Medicaid expansion because he knows how much they matter to families like ours.  And I’m thrilled.  I have hope, but I am also stressed.  Living and loving a child whose circumstances are so uncertain has never been easy.  And doing so now when you feel like you have to fight for the very programs that have made such a difference is something I barely have time for in between all those medical appointments and insurance calls and nursing schedules and therapy visits.

But, you guessed it–I don’t take any of that for granted either.  

Please call your representatives and your senators today and tell them you want to protect both the Medicaid expansion and traditional Medicaid for all families who find themselves in need.   For so many families whose lives are already marked by hospitalizations and seizures and circumstances of life and death, let’s not make them marred and complicated and undermined and burdened by insurmountable insurance bills, poor or little access to healthcare, schools that may or may not accept their children, and policies that do not value the lives of their children with special needs.  Tell them it pains you to live in a world where we can’t take for granted that those most in need won’t go without.  Tell them how thankful you are for programs like Medicaid and all that they do.  As Heather Kirn Lanier said so eloquently, “my kid’s doing awesome, and it’s not just because of me.”  

It truly takes a village to raise any child.  Will you be part of our village?  It’s a motley crew for sure, but boy, is it full of unexpected, underserved gifts.