“I think I just love ideas,” I said to my husband dreamily the other evening after a particularly rousing conversation with a colleague.
It didn’t seem like much a revelation, but I may have mentioned that defending my Ph.D. last year has seemed to open up all this conceptual space with which to dream about vocation both in and outside of academia. It’s been at once exhilarating and daunting. There’s so much freedom that I’m almost paralyzed by it.
But to acknowledge and relish that I really get a kick out of talking about theories, ideas, and people is a small start. And then the other day as I chatted with a colleague on the seminary campus who turned to go into her office, I turned to head back to the university campus, to my syllabi, articles, and ideas. And I was so thrilled and so grateful to have that desk, that community, and those ideas. I realized as scary as it is to admit, I’m not ready to give up on the academic job search yet. I want to see it through a bit longer. I want to continue to pursue these possibilities, because I have so much passion for the work I did with foster families and children with disabilities in China, for China itself, for students, and for anthropological knowledge and those ways of thinking.
Things seem positively turned upside down in my life right now and I have no idea what God is doing. But I’m trying to learn (again) to be content with that– to embrace the thought that this not knowing about the future is not really so bad and that life is an adventure that is so much better when we let God lead.
The other morning I saw the sun for the first time in a long, long time, and some words from good ol’ Anne of Green Gables came to me as I happily thought, “Today is fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”
Trying to live in that freshness, faithfulness, and fullness that God so generously provides.
Have a good weekend. What are you up to?