So if you’re like me, you have a pretty public blog, where you post about your mountaintop moments in life and in faith, and where you (rather subconsciously) try to minimize the doubting that goes on in the shadows, because that’s not really so compelling, nor is it the stuff that good, religious folks are all about.

Princeton in the fall. Looking forward to this!

But, as it turns out, we live in the shadows, rather than on the mountaintops, and I’m pretty sure nobody’s good and religious and faithful all the time…

…except God.  And thank God for that!

Valleys and mountains all wrapped into one in Guangxi, Zhongliu village. Photo by Evan Schneider.

You see in the midst of the missing-China-blues, the listlessness that I can’t quite explain or shake, the doubts that did make the blog, and the ones that didn’t, God’s been working  silently, heroically, and with a sense of humor, like only God does and can, to squash those doubts to pieces.

Because it just can’t be a coincidence that in only two weeks of moving into our housing complex in the US that I’ve met an amazing couple with a baby with special needs, another neighbor couple just moving from Hong Kong, and yet another neighbor couple who is…Chinese!

Do you ever feel just totally ridiculous for making your fears larger than life, larger than God, for feeling paralyzed, for doubting for a hot second that God isn’t all in this and through this life with God’s hands down in our muck in a powerful, powerful way?  And isn’t it just the best feeling, to be so, so wrong about a God that is so deeply faithful?

A view of the Princeton campus nestled between trees.

Okay, this is another mountaintop post, and I sort of apologize for that.

But if you hear anything today from me, hear that I’m a mess and God is faithful, and that’s the stuff of shadows shot through with light and meaning in the madness.

And praise God, with me, for God is faithful!

6 thoughts on “Provision

  1. Amen girl! I hear you on the highs and lows, the need for both questions and fear right alongside the recognition that God is bigger and always for good and for us. So glad that your transitions are being laced with grace and gratitude – thanks for sharing and the reminder. 🙂

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