10. Being with a woman my age this morning in the ER who was 9 weeks pregnant when she found out the baby no longer had a heartbeat: I realize there are so many questions without answers in life, but there’s never a moment without feeling.
9. Realizing in supervision the other morning in hearing my chaplain talk that healing in life really is all about relationships–the rest is just details. When we focus on the end results (“God will get me through this”), we focus on what we want, what we’ll get, what comes next. The present has to do with who we are, who God is, and who we are in God. It strikes me that the relationship between ourselves, God, and others is what allows us to make meaning of life and to negotiate all its unanswerable twists and turns.
8. Dinner with Jeremiah and Lindsay last night: salmon, risotto, asparagus, and good, loving friendship.
7. An early morning run with my neighbor through the sprinklers at 6 am.
6. Swimming laps in the pool on these hot days.
5. Looking forward to a week with Julie. I’m typing to keep myself awake because she won’t get into the train station until 12:53 am!
4. A conversation with a patient who had lost her young husband just two months before she found herself in the hospital. As we talked about how he went peacefully in his sleep, I was so blessed by her genuine love for another person. And we talked about how that empty spot where he was in her life might be there physically and externally, but inside she is learning to be filled in challenging, sad, but ultimately different, and beautiful ways.
3. Being able to share this conversation with my boyfriend over the phone who listened endlessly and patiently and invested in my joy in a way I can hardly put into words.
2. Talking to my dad about my struggles with my CPE group really helped. It’s just a hard process–everyone getting to know themselves through really tough, emotionally-challenging work. As my dad said, most 25 year-olds, if asked if they wanted to go visit someone in the hospital they don’t know would definitely say no, probably no way. But it’s nice to feel understood by my dad as someone who just doesn’t fit in with some of those other 25 year-olds this summer.
1. God’s faithfulness to provide a sense of closure even amidst crisis, in crisis week. Watching God move might just be the most simple pleasure this summer has to offer.